Friday, December 16, 2011

Merry Christmas and a VERY Happy New Year - - - Jim

  At one time, America was noted for having very good, stable
marriages.  Now, we lead the world – in divorce.  The numbers would be
much worse, if we factored in all the live-in then blow-apart numbers.
 In this little letter, I’ll give you the model for marriage that
worked for people in the past – going back many generations.  It works
for people all over the world who have good marriages – simple and
natural – easy to learn as the Golden Rule – entails commitment for
life to give – what you said you would give – and when both give, both
are very happy.

 People tend to pattern their behavior on models they see, and this
starts very young.  The various different models that the Powers that
Be have carefully designed and then held up to us as ‘good marriages’
– aren’t even real marriages.  They’re divorces – waiting to happen.
I do not trash men, nor women – only lies that have been fed to them.

 If you will pay close attention, you will see the lies they’ve fed
the women – and men – behind every one of these models I’m about to
present.  Let’s see – we have the self-righteous church-lady prude
model – that has been laying out judgment on others for about a
century – the all-time loser.  Over here is the old Father Over-Rules
Best model – comes with a 2 by 4 paddle – quite popular a half-century
ago.  And we’re having a special sale on the Cinderella Model because
princes are so busy working two and three jobs now, they just don’t
have time to be princes.  And right beside it is the Good Housekeeping
model – a spin-off of the prude.  It always buys the right stuff to
feed the family dog - - - ‘Daddy’.  And here’s the very carefully
crafted pre-nuptial agreement.  The ceremony that comes with it is
very – ceremonial.  And, if that isn’t to your liking, we have the
post Sexual Revolution LTA – Live Together Arrangement.  It’s pretty
fast, but only comes with a one-year guarantee.  And – next to that is
the Liberation Model – where women are liberated from having a home
and husband, usually comes with at least one child – lasts as long as
it can trust – and that’s anybody’s guess.  We also have the
Cosmo-Redbook model – one hot to trot little philly – always good for
a few fast laps around the track before she bucks you off – to go pick
up another – jockey.  And if none of these models are to your liking,
we have the brand new social network model.  Have suitcase and cell
phone – will travel and shack up – no signed contracts and no
commitment whatsoever.  Can you see the agenda?  DESTROY MARRIAGE,

 I forgot to mention ‘affairs.’  An affair holds to the marriage vows
as long as they both feeeeel like it.  A marriage involves commitment
to hold to your vows – whether you feeeeel like it or not – and it’s
very easy.  Most Americans today – have affairs – no matter what the
paperwork says or doesn’t say.  And why is this?  Most Americans don’t
think any more.  They just – feeeeel.  I'm asking you to think.

 The world has held up different models – and formulas for marriage –
progressively worse.  Books and ‘relationship experts’ abound – to
divide and destroy – marriages.  They’ve brought us ‘All in the
Family’ – ‘Married with Children’ – ‘The Simpsons’ – I could go on.
The world tells you what to do.  I'll tell you what to ask.  Let me
elaborate a bit.

 A good marriage is very simple, and it just works.  From Genesis:
Eve was to be Adam’s 1) lover and 2) helpmate.  I’m sure that Adam –
being the first man handmade by God – was also a very good lover and
helpmate for Eve.  Why wouldn’t he do that?  And, just for the record
‘Eden’ – in the original language meant ‘Delight.’

 The formula for a good marriage is very simple.  Actively give what
you said you would give at the altar.  Loving is active.  Being loved
is passive.  Love – actively.  Honor and Cherish – should be
self-explanatory.  They’re active.  ‘Have and Hold’ – Have implies
giving physical love.  Hold implies accepting physical love.
Forsaking all others used to mean putting your beloved just one notch
below God in importance.  It still means that.  ‘Til Death Do Us Part’
still means just that and when you each actively GIVE what you’re to
give, you will feel great love in your heart for the recipient of your
love – and you won’t even want to leave.  ‘Breaking your vows’ used to
mean not living up to them – as in NOT giving what you said you would
give.  It still means – just that.  When you do not give what you said
you would give, you’re defrauding your mate of a marriage.  It is –

 The world has given us their models for marriage and they haven’t
worked.  I will give you my grandparents’ and parents’ model – given
to me by my 88 year old grandmother, in 1975.  She was very –
forthcoming – because she thought she might die soon – and didn't want
her knowledge die with her.  1) ASK – many times ‘How can I please
you?’ and DO whatever would most please them.  We might use the phrase
‘How can I pleasure you?’  Her speech was quaint, but clear.  She said
that she ‘gave attention to Albert’ – any time & any way he wanted –
and he did the same for her.  The goal was to please.  2) ASK – many
times – ‘How can I help you?’ and help them – any way they want.  The
goal is to help.  And I heard both my grandparents and parents ask
that of each other – sometimes many times a day.

 My grandmother did not ‘dress for success.’  She dressed for her
husband’s access.  Her housedresses were held closed by one button –
at the top – a belt or sash in the middle.  She was not an advocate of
underwear.  She asked me – why it was – that women for hundreds of
year – all over the world – had worn dresses.  I was so flustered I
couldn’t answer.  She gave me the answer.  It made perfect sense.  And
every day, when my grandfather came home, she found somewhere she
could unbutton that top button – and show him why he came home.  But
that was back when women felt honored to be their husband’s wife – not
somehow demeaned by it.  My question for you ladies: If you don’t want
to be your husband’s ‘sex object’ – who – would you prefer to fill
that role in his life?

 She said that she didn’t argue with Albert.  If he didn’t want to
hear what she had to say, she shut up – because where she came from –
that was called arguing.  He afforded her the same kindness.  They did
not argue.  If Albert got grumpy, she started taking her clothes off.
If he continued, she started taking his clothes off.  He did the same
with her.  They did not argue.

 It is Christmas time.  If you’re fortunate enough to have someone
who loves you as a husband or wife are to love – give them this gift
that I’ve written out for you – and practice it as best you can –
every day – and it is the gift that will keep on giving – for life –
Jim from West Virginia

 PS – Take some time – for each of you to write out a few lists – no
peeking – no talking – just write out ten thing about your beloved
that you first fell in love with.  What the world calls X-rated is OK.
 It’s actually a holy gift from God – to give to your beloved in
marriage - nothing 'dirty' about it.  OK, trade lists.  Don’t argue.
Let them sink in – again.

 Maybe a few days later, EACH should write out what a perfect WIFE
would do – ten items.  Take your time with these.  Don’t trade yet.
Then both of you write out what a perfect HUSBAND would do.  Now –
trade lists.  Don’t argue.  Learn.

 Now, both of you write out the ten things you most appreciate about
your beloved today – as well as what you most enjoy doing for each
other - and get busy!!!  And while you’re at it, read First
Corinthians – Chapter Seven – Three through Five.  Merry Christmas and
a VERY Happy New Year - - - Jim

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