“Sorry, Pop. I blew it. I BLEW IT. I wasted all that scrilla on blackjack and Beanie Babies. They were supposed to appreciate in value! How was I supposed to know the Beanie Baby bubble was going to burst right when I got into the game?!?! God I am such a tool. Forgive me! Here, just let me get down on the ground and grovel a littleAUUUAHAGHAGAHAGHGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“So wait, you’re my friend’s husband’s mistress? Or just my friend’s mistress? This is so complicated! Do you have some kind of powerpoint thingy on your iPhone where can just cook up an easy to view chart of all the hook ups going on in our circle of friendsAUUAHHAGHHAGGAGGGAGGHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“OK I take it all back. This was a HUGE mistake. I really didn’t understand the power of the internet and I really wish that this song and video never happened. Its really just no fun, no fun, no fun, no funAUAUHAGAHAGAHGHAGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes NO! AUAHAHAUAHAHGAHAGHAGAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“Morguk got wasted and rolled his razor scooter again. God dammit, now we have to schlep all the way over the Euphrates to get parts for that damn thing. Again. Grounding doesn’t work. Taking away internet privileges doesn’t work. Should we send him to boarding school? Would that make us bad parentsAUUAHHAGHAGAHAGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“HA! You say those protestors are whining? Fuckin’ AMATEUR HOUR. I’ll show you the true power of whining. Armies will crumble under the sheer FORCE of my whining. Nations will disintegrate, religions will implode, mothers will watch their newborn sons catapult into the aether by the magnitude of my complaining. Nobody will escapeAUUAHAHGAHAGHAGHGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“1/6th gravity apparently translates to 15/6th WASTEDDDDDDDD. Haha! Shit Buzz, what did you put in these brownies? Buzz. BUZZZZZ. I swear to god I can’t even see straight. I’m just gonna lay down for a minute, just to get my bearings. Which way to Detroit? HAHA!! Oh man… So what’re we supposed to do up here? Occupy this moon or somethingAUUUAHAGAHAGAHAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“OK first: fuck you. Second: fuck you. Third: Clapton IS God, and I don’t care if he’s recognized by the city as a god or not, though anybody who listens to Disraeli Gears and doesn’t think so has their head so far up their assAUUAHHAGHAGHAGAGAGGAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“Dude, stop yanking my fucking bridle. I am sad, OK? SAD. Maybe your stupid little kid ass never gets moody because you’re some tween warrior boy with sweet sleeveless leather shirts and stuff, but I do get sad. I’ve been listening to Dashboard Confessional and that one super bummer Springsteen album all day on my iPod and I just wanna sink into the mud and be sad, OK? Can’t I just be sad in mud??? Let goAUUAHHAGHAGAGAGGHHHHHHHHHH”
“Hey doorman! Do ya think we could come in for just a second? We’ve been marching all day and all of us REALLY need to take a leak. I know its annoying, but you gotta understand that we’re out here in the cold and wet to stand up for everybody’s rights, including yours! Is it really that much of a hassle to let us use your baño? None of us needs to do #2! I promiseAUUAHAGHAGHGGGAHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“Ehhhhhh, this is BULLSHIT! A-YOOO!!! I got my fucking BALLS hangin’ out of these god damn daisy dukes and they strap me to this fuckin’ boat and here I go gonna jump a fuckin’ SHARK? What kinda stupid shit is this? I know that up until this point I’ve bee a pretty non-violent occupier of that drafty ass mother-in-law over the garage, but fuck it. I’m gonna slap the shit out the California Kid, and all of those stupid ass CunninghamsAUUAUHAHAGHAHGAHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“What the FUCK, man?? One minute I’m playing Uno in the park with my buds and the next I got Hector lying in his own brains. You got a good reason for that? Really? Its that little guy with the itchy belly, right? I know it is. It HAS to be. That little sonofabitch. Can’t he just chill out and take up bowling or waterslides? OK here’s a compromise: Let’s call Hector a wash, OK? You guys can back off and we can go back to our Uno game, all right? Does that sound good to youAUUAUUHHAGAHAGHAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“Oh what a delightful day to sit in the park feeding the birds. Now that I’ve gone through my seventy five bags of bread they’re still hungry. Nature is so weird! What do they want now, blood? Ha! That would be a hoot. Well, as long as they stay on their side of the fence I’ll be fineAUUAHHAGHAGGAGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“Tonight our three judges are Nina Garcia, Michael Kors and special guest judge Parker Posey. They’ll be judging you on style, originality, using the theme and overall wow-factor. This week you were tasked with creating an outfit based on the Police, and we’re not talking about the band. Ha! So let’s get started. I’ll just have a seat right over hereAUUUAHAGHAGHAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“Oi just in me cups a bit, havin’ a sit, takin’ the old load off me shoulders. Who’re these fellers traipsin’ down the walkway? They’re wearin’ all white! It’s well past Labour Day! What in the blue blazes are they thinkin’? I got half a mind to give ol’ Stacy and Clinton a call and sort these lads out right properAUUAHGGAHAGGHHAHAGHAGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
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